Boston Significantly Drops Holiday Loitering by Playing “Christmas Shoes”

Boston Harbor Hotel

Boston, MA- When city officials started playing music near the Boston Harbor for the holiday season, they had no idea the effect it could have.

Whenever Newsong’s Christmas Shoes played, loiterers began to leave the area. City officials noticed this trend and played the song whenever they saw loiterers. As they put this practice into effect, loitering became almost non-existent.

A man, upon hearing the song for the first time, began to weep openly. “This song is just  depressing and it shouldn’t belong in the Christmas repertoire,” he said. “Why do you write Christmas songs about people dying? Why?” He was never seen near the harbor again, as he jaywalked across Atlantic Avenue and was hospitalized after being hit by a vehicle.

There was also a significant decrease in tourists dumping tea in the harbor.

Since the city started playing Christmas Shoes, loitering has dropped significantly in the area. City officials are now considering selections to play outside of the holiday season, such as I would walk 500 miles, Rebecca Black’s Friday, and selections from Justin Bieber.


Local DJ Arrested for Playing Marathon of Wham’s “Last Christmas” in Valencia Mall

Shoppers rush to finish last minute holiday shopping at Westfield Valencia Mall

Valencia, CA- Shoppers at Westfield Valencia Mall were going about their last minute Christmas shopping when they heard  Wham’s Last Christmas play twice.

Then it played again.

And again.

As the song continued to repeat, security guards had to restrain several shoppers as they began knocking over perfume displays in Macy’s and throwing dishes at speakers. Several 911 calls were made after the song played for the 10th time. Twenty incidents of road rage were reported in the area during the time of the incident.

One shopper remarked that it was worse than Black Friday of 2004, when he observed two male shoppers get into a fist fight over Hot Wheels cars at Walmart while others placed bets.

Mall security checked the sound room and found no sign of Scott Beardsley, the DJ in charge of the mall’s sound system. The music was playing from a remote location.

Investigators found that the marathon began after Scott’s ex-girlfriend entered the mall. They broke up around the holidays last year. When police finally found Scott after several hours, he remarked that his ex-girlfriend “got what was coming to her”.

Scott was arrested and is now being sued for emotional distress by several shoppers.