Boston Significantly Drops Holiday Loitering by Playing “Christmas Shoes”

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Boston Harbor Hotel

Boston, MA- When city officials started playing music near the Boston Harbor for the holiday season, they had no idea the effect it could have.

Whenever Newsong’s Christmas Shoes played, loiterers began to leave the area. City officials noticed this trend and played the song whenever they saw loiterers. As they put this practice into effect, loitering became almost non-existent.

A man, upon hearing the song for the first time, began to weep openly. “This song is just  depressing and it shouldn’t belong in the Christmas repertoire,” he said. “Why do you write Christmas songs about people dying? Why?” He was never seen near the harbor again, as he jaywalked across Atlantic Avenue and was hospitalized after being hit by a vehicle.

There was also a significant decrease in tourists dumping tea in the harbor.

Since the city started playing Christmas Shoes, loitering has dropped significantly in the area. City officials are now considering selections to play outside of the holiday season, such as I would walk 500 miles, Rebecca Black’s Friday, and selections from Justin Bieber.

Local DJ Arrested for Playing Marathon of Wham’s “Last Christmas” in Valencia Mall

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Shoppers rush to finish last minute holiday shopping at Westfield Valencia Mall

Valencia, CA- Shoppers at Westfield Valencia Mall were going about their last minute Christmas shopping when they heard  Wham’s Last Christmas play twice.

Then it played again.

And again.

As the song continued to repeat, security guards had to restrain several shoppers as they began knocking over perfume displays in Macy’s and throwing dishes at speakers. Several 911 calls were made after the song played for the 10th time. Twenty incidents of road rage were reported in the area during the time of the incident.

One shopper remarked that it was worse than Black Friday of 2004, when he observed two male shoppers get into a fist fight over Hot Wheels cars at Walmart while others placed bets.

Mall security checked the sound room and found no sign of Scott Beardsley, the DJ in charge of the mall’s sound system. The music was playing from a remote location.

Investigators found that the marathon began after Scott’s ex-girlfriend entered the mall. They broke up around the holidays last year. When police finally found Scott after several hours, he remarked that his ex-girlfriend “got what was coming to her”.

Scott was arrested and is now being sued for emotional distress by several shoppers.

Ongoing Performance of 4’33” in Abandoned Church Generates Revenue for Small Town

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Barre, VT-  If no one is there to hear 4’33’’, is it really played? That’s what city officials recently discussed when deciding whether or not to tear down the former meeting place of Bethlehem Lutheran Church. 

John Bates, a local music professor at Goddard College, voiced his opinion when he heard the building being  discussed. He knew a grand piano was sitting inside.

“I could not let them get away with this,” said John. “They could not just tear down a building when clearly there is music being made there every day: John Cage’s 4’33”.”

John Cage’s 4’33” is a piece in which the instrumentalist sits at their instrument for 4 minutes and 33 seconds in silence. The “music” then is the ambiance of the concert hall.

Musicologists disagree as to whether the performance in Barre is a legitimate performance, as no one is seated at the piano. But Professor Bates is convinced that this indeed a legitimate performance.

Professor Bates proposed a solution to the problem, in that the city sell tickets to anyone who would like to visit and watch the performances. Also, students of Goddard College who visit the building would fulfill the concert attendance requirement for the Music Appreciation course.

Bates convinced city officials to put his plan into action, and since then the town has raised enough from the concerts to get out of a deficit.

Despite the church being near an apartment complex, residents have not complained of noise.

 

Music Student Found Living in Practice Rooms

November 22, 2016

UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON- Campus security guard Jim Nelson was startled one night when he heard ominous music while on night watch near the music building.

 “I thought I was a goner,” he said. “You know something bad is about to happen when you hear music like that. It always happens in the movies.”
 Jim braced himself, hand ready on his taser. He found the practice rooms unlocked and held his taser ahead. At the end of the hallway, he found the student Michael Young playing Rachmaninoff on the Steinway.
 “I recognized Michael and asked him what he was doing there so late.”
 When Jim saw a sleeping bag in the corner and a trash can full of empty coffee cups, he realized what was happening. Michael was living in the practice rooms. As Jim was talking to Michael, a light came on in another room where a student had just woken up.
 “It’s just easier for me to stay here instead of walking all the way back to the dorms,” said Michael, a piano performance major. “That’s the only way I can get my 5 hours of practice in. That plus 4 cups of coffee.”

  While a lounge is in the works for the practice rooms, music faculty plan to add dorm rooms to the music building in the near future.

Five Pieces for Election Day


As many of you have already voted, you’re probably needing some music right now to meet you where you are. For many, it was a difficult decision, for others, not so difficult. No matter your opinion of the candidates, there is a piece for you. These 5 pieces will help you get through today and help you face whatever comes next.

 

1. Oh Canada

If you are seriously considering moving to Canada, this is for you. Imagine yourself in Canada watching hockey and eating pancakes with real maple syrup as you listen and prepare yourself for the move. This piece will take you there.



2. Verdi’s Dies Irae (Day of Wrath)

This is for you if you believe America is doomed and judgment day is coming shortly because of who was elected. The piece comes from Verdi’s Requiem and speaks of all the earth being judged and destroyed.



3. Chopin’s Etude Op. 10 No. 3 “Sadness”

This piece, nicknamed “sadness”, is for you if you are simply sad about who lost. This has a slightly more positive mood than the last piece.



4. Orff’s O Fortuna This piece goes along the lines somewhat of #2. If you think everything has gone wrong in this election, this piece is for you. It speaks of fate being unmerciful.



5. Beethoven’s Symphony No. 5

To end on a positive note (listen to the end), this piece is commonly thought of as fate knocking at the door (dun dun dun DUN part), but in the end you gain victory over fate (22:00). This piece is for you if you believe whoever wins, it might be bad for a little while, but America will emerge victorious in the end.

 

Fugues on Popular Themes

As promised, here is a playlist of fugues from popular themes. I think I was searching for fugues on YouTube and these came up. They were so nerdy they made me laugh and I was entertained for hours. Here are my favorites:

1. Fugue on Angry Birds- This theme fits perfectly with the Baroque style IMO

2. Nokia Fugue- Fugue on the Nokia ringtone

3. Fugue on Lady Gaga- Fugue on Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance

4. Final Countdown Fugue- Fugue on Europe’s Final Countdown

5. Fugue on Britney Spears- Fugue on Oops I did It Again

Moll

Graduate Student Composes Variations on 4’33"

Seattle, WA- Chelsea Whiting, a local graduate student at the University of Washington, is daring to do something never done before- compose variations on the popular John Cage piece 4’33” for her graduate composition project.

The original work composed by John Cage, is a composition in which the pianist sits at the piano in silence for 4 minutes and 33 seconds, and the music becomes the ambiance of the concert hall or venue in which it is played. For her composition, Chelsea wanted to experiment with non traditional venues.

Chelsea recorded the piece in various locations around Seattle as a tribute to her hometown. She took her own upright piano to each location to add her own signature to the piece. In the “Pike Place Market” variation, you can hear the famous fish throwers throw a fish onto the piano keyboard and tourists asking “What’s going on?” as they watch Chelsea sit motionless at the piano, as three more fish hit her in the face.

The “Mt Rainier” variation was recorded on location in Mt Rainier National Park.

“I wanted to capture the atmosphere of the park that holds so many childhood memories for me,” said Chelsea. “You can even hear the park rangers telling hikers not to pick the wildflowers and stay on the path.” Picking wildflowers and straying from the hiking trail is prohibited to preserve the natural beauty of the park.

For the 12th variation, Chelsea brought her piano to record outside Century Link Field, as a tribute to the 12th man.

The finale is recorded in the practice rooms at the University of Washington, which incorporates elements of atonality as you hear the muffled sounds of other students practicing nearby, much like a Charles Ives piece.

Chelsea’s composition professor had much praise for the project, especially the “Sitting on the Couch at Home Reading a Book” variation: “When you listen to this variation, it’s like that feeling you get when you’ve been listening to music with headphones for a while and it stops and you can finally hear that person who was trying to talk to you. This work takes you to that moment in time, it’s that powerful.”

Chelsea graduates this year with a Doctorate of Musical Arts from the University of Washington.

Why Americans Hardly Ever Compose Good Music

There is a wonderfully entertaining music magazine that music nerds sometimes collect called the Etude Magazine. It is entertaining due to the fact that it was published in the late 1800s – 1950s, so they had an interesting take on music in the culture of that day. The following is such an excerpt from March 1900, and they try to figure out why America is so unmusical. Paragraphs 5-6 are the highlights of this article (this is so genius I can’t contain myself *sarcasm*):

Moral of the story: Be poor and you will compose amazing works in your attic.
-Moll